Let’s Talk About Sex & Cancer

By Tamron Little

Ooo, I said the word “sex,” but listen, it’s a natural function that “most” of us partake in. Truth be told, it is one of those shhh topics, especially within the cancer community, maybe because society has made it uncomfortable to discuss, given the way it is publicized. Before being diagnosed with peritoneal mesothelioma at the age of 21, I had an everyday sex life. Afterward, intimacy and sex were not on my agenda; I was focused on living and getting rid of cancer. Putting things into perspective, I was diagnosed with rare cancer five months after giving birth to my son, and just months afterward, I received treatment in the form of an 11-hour surgery called HIPEC. Sex was not on my list of to-dos. 

When The Dust Settles

Quite sometime after I completed my treatment, I noticed that cancer impacted a lot of things in my life, and one of those things was intimacy with my husband. The surgery left me tired all the time, with numerous side effects and a vertical scar about 8cm long cascading down the middle of my abdomen. It wasn’t appealing to me at all. I didn’t want to see it, so I sure didn’t want my husband to see it; cancer left me feeling insecure about my body. Not only did I hit a rough patch with having cancer, but I also hit a rough patch with feeling as if I couldn’t fulfill my duty as a wife by being intimate with my husband. This feeling takes a toll on me mentally and places me in a weird headspace. It took some time to realize that I was not alone and that my feelings were normal; I just had to be honest with myself and my husband. 

Upfront & Honest

I wasn’t comfortable with being upfront and honest about intimate topics. It was the way I grew up; we didn’t even say the word “sex.” My grandma would say friendlier words or phrases such as “relations” or “grown folk business.” Being upfront and honest with my husband about it was hard for me. We went so long without being intimate that he thought I lost interest in him or felt some way about our relationship when all alone. It was my insecurities. 

You may have found yourself in a similar situation, but know that you are not alone, and it’s important to note these things.

• Be honest with yourself- Digest the fact that your life after cancer is a new normal; things aren’t going to be the same as they were before. And guess what? That’s ok!
• Give yourself grace– remember what you just went through. You were diagnosed with cancer; give yourself grace and your body time to heal. 
• Love the skin you’re in. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, I love you, scars, and all.
• Talk with your spouse about your feelings- This way, your spouse can be aware of your emotions and offer you the help you need. They won’t know unless you tell them!

Let this be your reminder that it’s okay to talk about sex and cancer. Cancer impacts every aspect of our lives, and intimacy is one of them. Educate yourself more about sexual health and cancer and be comfortable in asking your physicians those questions you may have been afraid to ask beforehand. They may be able to provide you with knowledge and tips on ways to improve your sexual health during and after your cancer journey.

Website: www.tamronlittle.com